Before I left for the beach, I was feeling really guilty for taking a vacation. I felt like there was work on my business that I should have already completed, and that I really didn’t deserve the time away. But at the same time, I was also feeling pretty meh about work. I wasn’t  as clear about the direction of things or what I wanted, and the thought of figuring it all out just made me want to take a big nap.

But we’d booked a house and had to go. And I mean, I was excited. I wasn’t exactly kicking and screaming at the thought of spending the week at the beach. Once we were there, my thoughts about work started to subside, but I couldn’t shake this feeling that there was something I was supposed to be doing.

One day, after only a day or two away, I noticed something. I was picking up ice cream for my mom and I, and as we sat in the car eating I was overcome with this wave of anxiety. It was so intense- I could feel a lump forming in my throat and knots in my stomach. I had no idea where it was coming from. I ran through my laundry list of concerns. Work, clients, deadlines, bills, blog- everything was in check. Ok…but the feeling didn’t fade. Was it something in my personal life? This was getting ridiculous. I was healthy, had a loving and healthy family, was in a wonderful relationship, lived in a beautiful apartment…. what was I so anxious about?

Nothing. There was nothing to be anxious about. But I was unconsciously telling myself there was- and I was doing it all the time. I was operating in this constant state of feeling like I was either forgetting something or never doing enough. My inner monologue was something along the lines “You chose to work for yourself, therefore there is always something to do. You should be working all the time to make sure your business is successful- otherwise, you’ll fail.” Yikes. Really?

Once I realized what I was thinking I became kind of enraged. Why was I doing that to myself? What a waste of energy! Talk about unproductive! Then two key thoughts popped into my head: 1) If I was feeling this way on vacation, what havoc was this mental habit reeking on my everyday life? and 2) Everything I was feeling felt like a backwards way for punishing myself- like I wasn’t allowed to have any fun or go away until my business had succeeded. But what did that even mean? I’d set goals and accomplished them. I’d experienced success, but I never really gave myself credit for it. The whole thing had my mind spinning. I didn’t really have a solution but I knew I had to kick this negative habit.

That experience alone allowed me to pretty much shut my mind off completely about work for the rest of the trip. My mind lingered over ways to make improvements or changes to stop these negative feelings, but I didn’t want to dwell on it too much. I wanted to figure it out when I got back after my head had a chance to clear.

So that’s what I did. And boy did the time away make the changes I needed to implement clear as day. I’ll be sharing what I realized and what I’m changing next week. In the mean time, have you ever caught yourself in a negative thought cycle? If so, how’d you get yourself out of it? I’d love to hear any tips you have!

Ps: I’ve put all the Cape photos and photos from our Rooftop Dinner Party in albums on the CC Facebook- makes them super easy to browse!